why the fuck cant we text the police
lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you
Here in Canada you can
Here in England we just… scream and run
Here in Scotland we paint our faces and run towards the murderer
Here in Australia you are the murderer
Something to think about:
one time me and my friends were really high waiting at a stop sign and after like ten minutes he turns to me and he’s like “this is the longest stop sign ever”
Older person on Facebook:
Us too, so badly needed as well. Tell your mom I said hi. How is the family? Tell everyone hi from us. We miss you all so much. Wish we could be there. You're a beautiful young woman.
WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.
How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?
How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.
Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.
Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?
Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.
For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.
You didn't like those brand new underwear right?
Yell at a puppy.